I think it's about time to update this thing... but, it shall be my last.

I had this long ass entry I was gonna post, but I've decided to not bother you people with my problems.

Let's leave it at this...

There are a lot of things in my life that I need to change.  I've let my past overshadow my future and I need to stop right away or else I won't be going anywhere in the near future.  I have many acquaintances (perhaps for the wrong reasons), but no close friends.  The last few somehow drifted away in the past couple of years.  I envy those who have a "best friend."  I recently reconciled with one of my boys from high school, but it'll probably be a while before our friendship is as strong as it once was.  S.T. you're still around but even you can agree that we have drifted =\  And I'll probably never get over an ex*, but I've already accepted that.  And to her man now, I hope you understand that it is just my inability to let go of the past.  I'm sorry for not being there for you and I still consider you my boy.

School has been going downhill for a while now, and only recently I've begun to get up off my ass and stop slacking.  I need to stop dickin' around and get my shit done.  It's embarassing to be one of the last few '02 heads at DVC.

Most of you should understand this:  I wanna leave the game.  When that will happen is yet to be determined.

The only good thing in my life is the work I do at DVAC (an AIDS center).  That's pretty much the only positive thing I could think of that I am involved in.

I've had this blog for almost three years now, but they say "All good things must come to an end."  Well, I'm finally hanging up the xanga boots and retiring this blog.  As I read my past entries, I can't help but wonder what could have happened if I made some different choices in my life.  But I know that one should not look back to the past but look ahead to the future and see what surprises may come.

Now I'm lost and I'm weary, so many tears
I'm suicidal, so don't stand near me
My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer
to embrace an early death, now there's nothin left
There was no mercy on the streets, I couldn't rest
I'm barely standin, bout to go to pieces, screamin peace
And though my soul was deleted, I couldn't see it
I had my mind full of demons tryin to break free
They planted seeds and they hatched, sparkin the flame
inside my brain like a match, such a dirty game
No memories, just a misery
Paintin a picture of my enemies killin me, in my sleep

Wonder why as I walk by
Broken-hearted as I glance at the chalk line, gettin high
This ain't the life for me, I wanna change
But ain't no future right for me, I'm stuck in the game
I'm trapped inside a maze
See this Tanqueray influenced me to gettin crazy
Disillusioned lately, I've been really wantin babies
so I could see a part of me that wasn't always shady
Don't trust my lady, cause she's a product of this poison
I'm hearin noises, think she fuckin all my boys, can't take no more
I'm fallin to the floor; beggin for the Lord to let me in
to Heaven's door -- shed so many tears

~ Tupac Shakur - So Many Tears

And there you have it...

R.I.P. xanga... 10/16/02 - 7/27/05

*Happy 19th Birthday, Angela.

oNe.